BUDGIE! Or, Yet Another Twenty-Question Meme

I’m feeling lazy today — not to mention about as insightful as your average episode of Jackass — so instead of something useful, I’m going to steal this meme from Dasia Has a Blog. Yes, it is self-involved blog post day. Okay, more than usual. Look, don’t judge me.

1. As a blogger, what do you draw inspirations from for your posts?

I tend to analyze every piece of media I absorb, so when I’m watching a movie or reading a book, a small part of my brain is always mining for an angle. I feel creatively bankrupt whenever I start a “10 Things Other Bloggers Have Covered Ad Nauseum” list-post, so I try to find something that will be at least a little fresh. Sometimes I might even succeed. Occasionally, I will launch off another blogger’s post. That’s tough, though, because it’s rare one of the awesome blog I read regularly will leave a gap I can fill.

2. If you could swap blogs with another blogger for a post, who would you switch with and why?

I’d be AvaJae, steal her audience for myself, and hoard it like Scrooge McDuck. While giggling and wearing a monocle. Or I would be Chuck Wendig for a day and make a list called “25 Profane Portmanteaus I Just Made Up. #1. FUCKCHOP MONKEYNIPPLES. #2 SHITCRACK PAPSMEAR #3 FECES O’HOULIHAN…” I wouldn’t be as good as he is at it, but it’d be fun trying.

3. If your blog had a theme song, what would it be? Why?

It would be spoken word and it would be this monologue. Actually, I’m no good at the soundtrack question. My musical library is 12,000 tracks large and I could probably adapt a hundred to this blog. Do I go with something ironically funny, self-serious, inspirational, humorously irrelevant? Ugh. I’ll go with Shriekback’s “Lined Up” and you can decide why.

Tired of all this crawling around
Realising the joke was on us
Reaching out to the obvious
Starting with an answer not a question
Our most acceptable businesses
All aligned in just one direction
Organised on the same lines
With one face – one side

 4. What is your writing process for a post?

Coffee, crying, Twitter, typing, eating, editing, crying, cutting, pondering, pasting, Twitter, tweaking, palpitations, posting, pimping.

5. Your blog requires a cute, new, mascot – what would it be?

BUDGIE. Past, present and future are one in BUDGIE. BUDGIE knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again…

6. Do you feel you express your “true self” on your blog?

In real life, I swear a lot more and frequently say really inappropriate things. But I don’t actually get a kick out of genuinely offending people, so that’s not who I am on my blog. All my convictions and angst about writing, though — that’s as real as I can make it.

7. What is your biggest online pet-peeve?

Self-righteous lectures intended to make the lecturer feel superior. Oh, the world is full of big dummies and I’m the only one smart and insightful enough to see the truth, you ignorant sheep! Also, you need to care about the issues I care about, when and how I care about them, or you’re an irresponsible monster who’s part of the problem! I want to vomit in these people’s shoes.

Also, embedded music on websites. I have my own music. It’s playing all the time. When I come to your site and music starts playing out of nowhere, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Please don’t do that.

8. If you could live in a fictional universe, where would you live? Why?

Star Trek, because with the holodeck I could then make all other fictional universes at my whim. Plus, there’d be no money and I’d be all into Shakespeare and tea and self-betterment and shit. Apparently. Ever notice how everyone on the holodeck is into Sherlock Holmes or Alexandre Dumas or Edwardian costume dramas or whatever? How come no one’s into re-enacting episodes of She’s the Sheriff or Airwolf?

9. You’re having a bad day, you’re upset, you’re angry, or you’re sad – what is your go-to comfort?

I play this song. It never fails to cheer me up. EVER. Seriously, people are tired of hearing about it. Before that, it was coffee. Now it’s coffee and this song.

10. What is your favorite inspirational quote?

It would be damned hard to pick just one. Isn’t that what everyone always says? I’d like to be the guy who busts out “There is ONE quote that inspires me and the rest can inhale my farts!”

I’m going to go with a quote by Merlin Mann: “There’s no vaccine against having to suck your way toward sucking less.”

11. If they were to make a movie based on your life, who would play you, your leading lady/man, your best friend, and your rival?

I’d want to be played by Bradley Cooper. I’d actually be played by Weird Al Yankovic, or maybe Seth Rogen. My best friend would be a hilarious talking cat and my leading lady would be Anne Hathaway. And it would be set in space. And I’d have a space motorcycle.

Actually, the movie would be two hours of Seth Rogen staring at the TV saying, “okay, who’s this asshole?”

12. Do you think the world is going to end in 2012?

No. I find romanticized apocalyptic scenarios nauseating. Not in fiction — but when people start making real-life decisions based on some Biblical passage, it makes me sad. The success rate on prophets predicting the end of the world is 0% over the entirety of human civilization. Take the safe bet and live your life.

13. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

I’d give myself the metabolism of a squirrel.

14. What is your favorite season and why?

Spring, just before summer, when it’s warm but not hot. Bright colors, the smell of rain. Sensory appeals ahoy.

15. You’ve been bitten by a vampire. Would you fight it with all your undead being or would you embrace it for all it is worth?

I’d walk into the sun. Not really into living life as a serial murderer or eating rats. I know, what a joyless, party-pooper response! But seriously, I think being a vampire would be fucking terrible on every conceivable level. You can party all night and sleep all day and all you have to do is kill people to live! Doesn’t that sound great?! No.

16. Have you personally met any of your blogger friends?

Nope. Good talk, Russ.

17. What does your favorite pair of underwear look like?

I don’t remember. Let me grab my binoculars, step outside, and take a peek.

18. Have you ever drank something right from the container in the refrigerator knowing other people will have to drink out of the same container later?

I refuse to answer this question on moral grounds. But seriously, no. Okay, once. Okay, frequently.

19. What is your favorite word and explain why?

Once again, does anybody pick one? “Tacoriffic. Game, set, and match, my friend! This battle of wits is over!”

Here’s a bunch of words I really like:

• Festoon
• Globular
• Perfidy
• Succulent
• Terminal
• Crank
• Desultory
• Ample

20. Is there anything you’d like to do different on your blog in the year 2012?

I’d like to continue to find my own voice. My first few posts felt very generic, because I was doing what everyone else was doing, and what the blogging books said I ought to. Believe it or not, I never intended to dispense writing advice at all. Then people started responding to it in very positive ways, and then I found out I liked writing it. So, more of that, I guess.

Okay, that’s all. Thanks for reading, and remember:

BUDGIE